पति (पत्नी से)- इस जीवन से मैं तंग आ गया हूं!
पत्नी (पति से)- नही भगवान, मेरे पति से पहले मुझे उठा ले।
पति- तो प्रभु, मैं अब अपनी मर्जी वापिस लेता हूं, तू इसकी सुन ले।
बस के गेट पर लटके हुए मुसाफिरों से कंडक्टर ने कहा- भाइयों, अंदर हो जाओ इस तरह गेट पर लटकना आपकी जान के लिए खतरनाक है।
इसके बाद भी जब यात्री गेट से नही हटे तो कंड क्टर गुस्से से बोला- तुम्हें तुम्हारी पत्नी की कसम अंदर हो जाओ।
इतना सुनना था कि जो मुसाफिर सीटों पर बैठे थे वे भी गेट पर आकर लटक गए।
डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- तुम कितनी बीड़ी पीते हो?
मरीज (डॉक्टर से)- जी, एक दिन में करीब बीस बीड़ी।
डॉक्टर- यदि मुझसे इलाज कराना है, तो इतनी सारी बीड़ी पीने से परहेज रखना होगा। आज से ही एक नियम बना लो कि सिर्फ भोजन के पश्चात ही एक बीड़ी पियोगे।
मरीज ने डॉक्टर की बात सुनकर इलाज कराना शुरु कर दिया। कुछ महीने के बाद मरीज का स्वास्थ्य एकदम सुधर गया।
डॉक्टर- देखा, मेरे बताए परहेज से तुम्हें कितना स्वास्थ्य लाभ हुआ।
मरीज- लेकिन डॉक्टर साहब, एक दिन में बीस बार भोजन भी कोई सरल कार्य नहीं है।
दो बूढ़े काफी वर्र्षो से अच्छे खासे दोस्त थे, दोनों की उम्र अब लगभग 90 के आसपास होगी जब उनमें से एक बहुत बीमार पड़ गया, उसका दूसरा बूढ़ा दोस्त उसे रोज मिलने के लिए आता था ओर रोज वे अपने दोस्ती के किस्से दोहराते थे, उन्हें लगभग अब यकीन हो चला था कि जो बीमार था वह कुछ चंद दिनों का ही साथी है, एक दिन उसके बूढ़े दोस्त ने बिस्तर पर पड़े अपने दोस्त से कहा, देखो जब तुम मर जाओगे, मेरे लिए एक काम करोगे?
कौन सा काम? बिस्तर पर पड़े दोस्त ने पूछा, तुम मरने के बाद स्वर्ग में क्रिकेट है क्या यह मुझे बताओगे? दूसरे ने पूछा।
दोनों क्रिकेट के बहुत दिवाने थे।
क्यों नही जरूर बिस्तर पर पड़े दोस्त ने कहा, और एक दो दिन में ही बीमार पड़ा दोस्त भगवान को प्यारा हो गया।
कुछ दिनों बाद जो जिंदा बूढ़ा दोस्त था उसे नींद में अपने मरे हुए दोस्त की आवाज सुनाई दी। तुम्हारे लिए मेरे पास दो खबरें है..एक बुरी और एक अच्छी..अच्छी खबर यह है कि स्वर्ग में क्रिकेट है...
और बुरी खबर?
और बुरी खबर यह है कि तुम्हें आने वाले बृहस्पतिवार के मैच में बॉलिंग करनी है।
राजेश (मोहन से)- अरे दोस्त, पत्नी को बेगम क्यों कहते है?
मोहन (राजेश से)- दोस्त, शादी के बाद सारे गम पति को मिलते हैं और पत्नी बेगम हो जाती है।
Soruce: http://in.jagran.yahoo.com/gudgudee/?category=5
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The Smart Bihari
The Smart Bihari
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets
When the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets.
This fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them,
so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them,
so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets
When the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets.
This fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them,
so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them,
so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
Bengal Fights Back - Palao Regiment
1. Blady war on our boarder,Sons of Bengal bheel crush these hoarders. All join CRP and Army,Bugger Chinese must flee.
2. Recruiting offishsars taking names,Whife say Bholanath don't be shamed,Put your name on top of the least,Phor phree clothing and phresh pheesh.
3. To the depoh all are sent,Banerjees, Choudhurys all did went,Debs, Deys, Duttas and Das,Shaking posterior with big arse.
4. Guptos, Ghosh, Guhas and Mondols,Looking like many dhobi bundles,Mookherjees, Chatterjees, Mazumdars and Mitters,Grinding tooths for hurt (heart) is bitter.
5. Shum-one is shouting tarn to right,Phor medical exam and eyeshight.Doctor is telling undress phull,But I am feeling blady phool.
6. Doctor putting tape around chest,Breathe in and out and dam the rest.Myself feeling bhery sai (shy),Doctor is pheeling near thigh.
7. Now for khaki clothing go,I am rushing but dhuti tore.Pushing, heaving, jostling and banging,But I pheel something is hanging.
8. Clothes not criteria, not to worry,Bholanath Sen nebher pheel sorry.Phor Sons of Bengal least care,Any dam cloth we bhere.
9. Donning bush coat and khaki pant,Boots and belt with cap on Cantt.I am looking jolly swank,Surely I wheel gate offishsars rank.
10. Shum-one shouting 'at-tention',But how to fight without gun,Now offishshar shouting phall in quick,Jumping, gibing blady kick.
11. Marching smirtly in jauntless phasion,Bengal's hurt (heart) is barning with passion.
Gibe us guns and habe compassion,We can't fight in nonsense phasion.
12. News is comming bhery grabe,Whife says Bholanath be brabe.Shosur and Shashuree shitting tight,Why phor are they getting phright.
13. NEFA area we must defend,Bengal heroes to the end.Nebher mind cease-phire planed,
We will phight with chata in hand.
14. Asham border getting hotter,What I care for whife and daughter.
Chinese buggers I will slaughter,Oh by God I am passing water.
15. Chinese buggers all good fighters,Sons of Bengal mostly writers.
Let the jawans phight with knibes,We are palaoing to our whifes.
16. Whife is telling Bholanath be bold,So I am gibbing all her gold.
Market prices bhery phunny,Raaskel buggers are making money.
17. People gibbing a lot of guph,Communist being rounded uph.
They are telling going to go,Yes, I telling but hurt (heart) saying no.
18. When I hear the bugle call,I will eat my macher-jhoal.
Like true Son of Bengal I palao,Clutching dhuti, kombol and all.
19. Chinese buggers comming whild, I am hide with behind high. They are gibbing battle cry, While I pray for Kali Mai.
20. Now I am asking all of you, Hindus, Muslims,Sikhs and Anglos too. Pray Chinese do not come, Phor all will die weeth bullet in bum.
2. Recruiting offishsars taking names,Whife say Bholanath don't be shamed,Put your name on top of the least,Phor phree clothing and phresh pheesh.
3. To the depoh all are sent,Banerjees, Choudhurys all did went,Debs, Deys, Duttas and Das,Shaking posterior with big arse.
4. Guptos, Ghosh, Guhas and Mondols,Looking like many dhobi bundles,Mookherjees, Chatterjees, Mazumdars and Mitters,Grinding tooths for hurt (heart) is bitter.
5. Shum-one is shouting tarn to right,Phor medical exam and eyeshight.Doctor is telling undress phull,But I am feeling blady phool.
6. Doctor putting tape around chest,Breathe in and out and dam the rest.Myself feeling bhery sai (shy),Doctor is pheeling near thigh.
7. Now for khaki clothing go,I am rushing but dhuti tore.Pushing, heaving, jostling and banging,But I pheel something is hanging.
8. Clothes not criteria, not to worry,Bholanath Sen nebher pheel sorry.Phor Sons of Bengal least care,Any dam cloth we bhere.
9. Donning bush coat and khaki pant,Boots and belt with cap on Cantt.I am looking jolly swank,Surely I wheel gate offishsars rank.
10. Shum-one shouting 'at-tention',But how to fight without gun,Now offishshar shouting phall in quick,Jumping, gibing blady kick.
11. Marching smirtly in jauntless phasion,Bengal's hurt (heart) is barning with passion.
Gibe us guns and habe compassion,We can't fight in nonsense phasion.
12. News is comming bhery grabe,Whife says Bholanath be brabe.Shosur and Shashuree shitting tight,Why phor are they getting phright.
13. NEFA area we must defend,Bengal heroes to the end.Nebher mind cease-phire planed,
We will phight with chata in hand.
14. Asham border getting hotter,What I care for whife and daughter.
Chinese buggers I will slaughter,Oh by God I am passing water.
15. Chinese buggers all good fighters,Sons of Bengal mostly writers.
Let the jawans phight with knibes,We are palaoing to our whifes.
16. Whife is telling Bholanath be bold,So I am gibbing all her gold.
Market prices bhery phunny,Raaskel buggers are making money.
17. People gibbing a lot of guph,Communist being rounded uph.
They are telling going to go,Yes, I telling but hurt (heart) saying no.
18. When I hear the bugle call,I will eat my macher-jhoal.
Like true Son of Bengal I palao,Clutching dhuti, kombol and all.
19. Chinese buggers comming whild, I am hide with behind high. They are gibbing battle cry, While I pray for Kali Mai.
20. Now I am asking all of you, Hindus, Muslims,Sikhs and Anglos too. Pray Chinese do not come, Phor all will die weeth bullet in bum.
Banta was in the army.
Banta was in the army.
Banta was in the army.
During the war with Pakistan, Banta used his intelligence to kill many Pakistani soldiers.
He would hide behind the bushes and shout Pakistani names like - Imran Khan etc. and the soldier named Imran Khan would get up to say "I am here !" Then Banta would shoot him down.
This went on till Banta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handedly!Suddenly the Pakistani commander realized that Banta was killing all his soldiers by fooling them.
So he decides to use Banta's own method to kill him and starts calling him names like Banta etc.
Banta realizing that the Pakistani was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the Commander gets up to say "I called you."
Banta shoots him down!
The Genie
Three guys, a Pak, a Sri Lankan and an Indian are out walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm.
I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming.
The Paki was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan.
The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state.Nothing can get in or out."
The Indian says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm.
I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming.
The Paki was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan.
The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state.Nothing can get in or out."
The Indian says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."
Joke of the Day
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight’s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don’t I?”
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight’s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don’t I?”
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