एक दंपत्ति अपनी शादी की चालीसवीं वर्षगांठ मना रहे थे। संयोग से उस दिन पत्नी का साठवां जन्मदिन भी था। उस रात उनके घर में एक परी प्रकट हुई। उसने उन दोनों से कहा कि वे दोनों इतने लम्बे समय से बड़े प्यार से रह रहे हैं जिससे वह बहुत खुश है। परी ने कहा कि वे उससे एक एक वरदान मांग सकते हैं।
पत्नी, जो कि अपने पति से बेइंतहा प्यार करती थी, ने परी से कहा कि वह अपने पति के साथ दुनिया की सारी मनोरम जगहों की सैर करना चाहती है, पर उसके पास इतने पैसे नहीं हैं। परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और पत्नी के हाथ में हवाई जहाज के टिकटों से भरा लिफाफा आ गया।
अब मांगने की बारी पति की थी। उसने एक मिनट सोचा फिर बोला - ''ईमानदारी से कहूं, तो मैं अपने लिये अपने से 30 साल छोटी पत्नी चाहता हूं।''परी ने अपनी छड़ी घुमाई और .......... । पति महोदय तुरंत 90 साल के हो गये।
Thursday, February 19, 2009
टीचर (क्लास मे पढाते हुए), "बच्चो आयकर, बिक्रीकर, भूमिकर से मिलता झुलता कोइ और शब्द बताओ।"
निशु, "सर, एक नही तीन शब्द सुने, सुनील गावासकर, सचिन तैंदुलकर और दिलीप वेंगसरकर।"
90 वर्षीय एक सज्जन की दस करोड़ की लाटरी लग गई। इतनी बड़ी खबर सुनकर कहीं दादाजी खुशी से मर न जाएं, यह सोचकर उनके घरवालों ने उन्हें तुरंत जानकारी नहीं दी। सबने तय किया कि पहले एक डॉक्टर को बुलवाया जाए फिर उसकी मौजूदगी में उन्हें यह समाचार दिया जाए ताकि दिल का दौरा पड़ने की हालत में वह स्थिति को संभाल सके।
शहर के जानेमाने दिल के डॉक्टर से संपर्क किया गया । डॉक्टर साहब ने घरवालों को आश्वस्त किया - आप लोग चिंता मत करें । दादाजी को यह समाचार मैं खुद दूंगा । उन्हें कुछ नहीं होगा, मेरी गारंटी है।
डॉक्टर साहब दादाजी के पास गए । कुछ देर इधर - उधर की बातें कीं फिर बोले - दादाजी, मैं आपको एक शुभ समाचार देना चाहता हूं। आपके नाम दस करोड़ की लाटरी निकली हैं।
दादाजी बोले - अच्छा ! लेकिन मैं इस उमर में इतने पैसों का क्या करूंगा । पर अब तूने यह खबर सुनाई है तो जा, आधी रकम मैंने तुझे दी।
डॉक्टर साहब धम् से जमीन पर गिरे और उनके प्राण पखेरू उड़ गए ।
निशु, "सर, एक नही तीन शब्द सुने, सुनील गावासकर, सचिन तैंदुलकर और दिलीप वेंगसरकर।"
90 वर्षीय एक सज्जन की दस करोड़ की लाटरी लग गई। इतनी बड़ी खबर सुनकर कहीं दादाजी खुशी से मर न जाएं, यह सोचकर उनके घरवालों ने उन्हें तुरंत जानकारी नहीं दी। सबने तय किया कि पहले एक डॉक्टर को बुलवाया जाए फिर उसकी मौजूदगी में उन्हें यह समाचार दिया जाए ताकि दिल का दौरा पड़ने की हालत में वह स्थिति को संभाल सके।
शहर के जानेमाने दिल के डॉक्टर से संपर्क किया गया । डॉक्टर साहब ने घरवालों को आश्वस्त किया - आप लोग चिंता मत करें । दादाजी को यह समाचार मैं खुद दूंगा । उन्हें कुछ नहीं होगा, मेरी गारंटी है।
डॉक्टर साहब दादाजी के पास गए । कुछ देर इधर - उधर की बातें कीं फिर बोले - दादाजी, मैं आपको एक शुभ समाचार देना चाहता हूं। आपके नाम दस करोड़ की लाटरी निकली हैं।
दादाजी बोले - अच्छा ! लेकिन मैं इस उमर में इतने पैसों का क्या करूंगा । पर अब तूने यह खबर सुनाई है तो जा, आधी रकम मैंने तुझे दी।
डॉक्टर साहब धम् से जमीन पर गिरे और उनके प्राण पखेरू उड़ गए ।
Hindi Jokes
एक कम्प्यूटर सॉफ़्टवेयर डेवलपमेंट कम्पनी में एक ऑफिस बॉय काम करता था. वह सभी कर्मचारियों को चाय, कॉफ़ी इत्यादि पिलाया करता था. वह समर्पित इंसान था, परंतु वह अनपढ़ था, जिससे कभी कभी उसे मुश्किलों का सामना भी करना पड़ जाता था. अपने कठिन परिश्रम से वह लोगों का दिल जीत कर काम कर रहा था. एक दिन कंपनी में एक सर्कुलर जारी हुआ जिसमें प्रॉडक्टिविटी बढ़ाने के नाम पर उन सभी कर्मचारियों की छंटनी कर दी गई जो पढ़े लिखे नहीं थे. लिहाज़ा उस ऑफ़िस बॉय की नौकरी भी जाती रही. उसने जीवन यापन के लिए पुराने कम्प्यूटरों को खरीदने-बेचने का धंधा शुरू कर दिया.उसका यह धंधा चल निकला और वह देखते ही देखते देश का सबसे बड़ा सेकण्ड हैण्ड हार्डवेयर दुकानों की शृंखला का मालिक बन गया. उसने अपने धंधे को डाइवर्सिफ़ाई करने के इरादे से ताबड़तोड़ सॉफ़्टवेयर कंपनियाँ खरीदने लगा. उसने वह सॉफ़्टवेयर कंपनी भी खरीद ली जिसमें से उसे ऑफ़िस बॉय के रूप में निकाल दिया गया था.उस कंपनी के काग़ज़ात उसके पास दस्तखत के लिए लाए गए. उसके होठों पर विद्रूपता की क्षीण सी मुस्कान उभरी. वह बोला – अगर मुझे दस्तखत करना आता होता तो इस कंपनी में मैं अभी भी ऑफ़िस बॉय ही बना रहता...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
1) शिक्षक (सोनू से)- तुम गणित में फेल हो गए हो।
सोनू (शिक्षक से)- मैं क्या करता, आपने ही गलत पढ़ाया।
कभी 4 और 4 आठ बताया, कभी 6 और 2 आठ बताया और कभी 5 और 3 आठ बताया।
2) भिखारी (कंजूस से)- पचास पैसे दे दो भैया, मैंने तीन दिन से खाना नहीं खाया है।
कंजूस (भिखारी से)- दस रुपये दूंगा, पहले ये तो बता पचास पैसे में खाना कहां मिलता है।
3) डॉक्टर (रोगी से)- आपका और आपकी बीवी का ब्लड ग्रुप एक ही है?
रोगी (डॉक्टर से)- होगा जरूर होगा, पिछले पच्चीस साल से मेरा खून जो पी रही है।
4 थप्पड़ मारने पर नाराज पत्नी से पति ने मनाने के अंदाज में कहा कि आदमी उसे ही मारता है जिसे वो प्यार करता है।
इस बात पर पत्नी ने पति को दो थप्पड़ जड़ दिए।
पति (चौंककर)- तुमने क्यों मारा?
पत्नी- आप क्या समझते हैं कि मैं आपसे प्यार नहीं करती।
सोनू (शिक्षक से)- मैं क्या करता, आपने ही गलत पढ़ाया।
कभी 4 और 4 आठ बताया, कभी 6 और 2 आठ बताया और कभी 5 और 3 आठ बताया।
2) भिखारी (कंजूस से)- पचास पैसे दे दो भैया, मैंने तीन दिन से खाना नहीं खाया है।
कंजूस (भिखारी से)- दस रुपये दूंगा, पहले ये तो बता पचास पैसे में खाना कहां मिलता है।
3) डॉक्टर (रोगी से)- आपका और आपकी बीवी का ब्लड ग्रुप एक ही है?
रोगी (डॉक्टर से)- होगा जरूर होगा, पिछले पच्चीस साल से मेरा खून जो पी रही है।
4 थप्पड़ मारने पर नाराज पत्नी से पति ने मनाने के अंदाज में कहा कि आदमी उसे ही मारता है जिसे वो प्यार करता है।
इस बात पर पत्नी ने पति को दो थप्पड़ जड़ दिए।
पति (चौंककर)- तुमने क्यों मारा?
पत्नी- आप क्या समझते हैं कि मैं आपसे प्यार नहीं करती।
Monday, February 16, 2009
Jokes
Son- Father what is the spelling of inspector?
Father- Why are you asking?
Son- Today my teacher asked me to write down my father's occupation but i did'nt know the spelling of inspector.
Father- So what did you write?
Son- I wrote WASHERMAN instead.
Soruce: http://www.indiavilas.com/kidscorner/defaultmain.asp?k=other
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Wife-Our servant has stolen t he silver spoon.
Husband-which one?
Wife-the one which we stole frome a hotel at kashmir.
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Teacher: "Why is honesty the best policy?"
Student: "Because there is hardly any competition".
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Wife to husband: "Could you not have hired a better servant?"
Husband: "Why? what happened?"
Wife: "He stole the spoon you stole from the hotel."
Contributed by Sajal
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A man was struggling to get a table out of his house. His neighbour saw this and asked him, "Why are you taking that table out of your house."
The man replies "I have to take it to the shop to buy a tablecloth of its size"
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A tourist climbed out of his car in Connaught Place, New Delhi.
He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I visit this store?"
"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the Indian Parliament?"
"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway."
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A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."
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What kind of ant is good at adding up?
An accountant
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A man bought tickets from the ticket win down of a theatre. A few minutes later he returned and bought two more. When, after a short interval, he came back to buy two more tickets, the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up.
“Aren’t you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a little while ago?”
He asked, puzzled. “Yes”, replied the man plaintively, ‘But there’s some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!’
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Once,Saddam Hussain went to God & asked him "God , when will I see Iraq defeat USA?"
God said, "I am sorry my son but, U will never see it in your life time."
Then Musharraf went and asked God "Lord when will I see capture of Kashmir by Pakistan ?"
God replied ,"I am sorry my son but, U will never see that in your life time "
He too walks away sadly.
Then Laloo Prasad Yadav went to lord and asked God , "God , when will I see Bihar a rich , prosperous and developed state ?"
God heard this and started crying. Laloo seeing this was astounded and asked God "Why are U crying?"
God replied,"I am sorry my son but, I will never see that in my life time
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What did a telephone say to another telephone?
"Let's get engaged"
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Our brain has two parts: left and the right
The left one has nothing right in it and the right one has nothing left in it
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A government servant went to a doctor.
“Doctor, I am suffering from exhaustion. Please advise me," he said.
After a careful examination the doctor suggested, “You need complete rest. Return to your office as soon as possible”.
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An error in computer: Keyboard not attached;press F1 to continue.
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There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.
With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.
As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"
"Those are for the funeral."
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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
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Boss to his secretary: “I thought that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you had to see your dentist?”
Secretary: “That’s right, sir”
Boss: “So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a young man?”
Secretary: “That was my dentist”
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Sita: "How old is your sister?"
Geeta: "Twenty five"
Sita: "But she says that she is twenty"
Geeta: "She is right in her own way, you see she learnt counting only at the age of five".
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep.
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How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
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Hari: "Where do birds meet for coffee ?"
Pradeep: "In a nest-cafe!"
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Customer: “Waiter, I’d like to cancel my order for fresh fruit salad.”
Waiter: “I am sorry, sir, but the cook has already opened the tin.”
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An American who finds himself in Moscow wants to know the time. He sees a man approaching him carrying two heavy suitcases and asks the fellow if he knows the correct time.
"Certainly," says the Russian, setting down the two bags and looking at his wrist. "It is 11:43 and 17 seconds. The date is Feb. 13, the moon is nearing its full phase and the atmospheric pressure stands at 992 hectopascals and is rising."
The visitor is dumbfounded but manages to ask if the watch that provides all this information is Japanese. No, he is told, it is "our own, a product of Soviet Technology."
"Well, that is wonderful, you are to be congratulated."
"Yes," the Russian answers, straining to pick up the suitcases, "but these batteries are still a little heavy."
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The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church.
After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church. "Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan's hand.
As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. "What's this?" the preacher asked. "Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It's for you!" "I don't want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered. "I want you to have it," said Jonathan.
After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you."
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A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man,"Give me 100 baby chickens."
The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"
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There were two people were robbing an apartment.
The first one said, “I hear the owner coming! Quick, jump out the window!”
The second one said, “Are you crazy? We’re on the thirteenth floor!”
The first one said, “This is not the time to be superstitious!”
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Angry Judge in Court: Order, Order
Defendant: If you insist, I’ll have a chicken burger.
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MOHAN AND SOHAN WERE CRICKET FANS.THEY BOTH DECIDED THAT WHOEVER GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST,WILL TELL THE OTHER IF THERE WAS CRICKET IN HEAVEN TOO. ONE NIGHT MOHAN PASSED AWAY.THE NEXT NIGHT,SOHAN HEARD A VOICE-
SOHAN:IS THAT YOU MOHAN?
MOHAN(IN SPIRIT):YES IT'S ME.
SOHAN:SO TELL ME,IS THERE CRICKET IN HEAVEN TOO?
MOHAN:I HAVE A GOOD NEWS AND A BAD NEWS.
SOHAN:TELL ME THE GOOD NEWS FIRST.
MOHAN:THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT,
YES,THERE IS CRICKET IN HEAVEN TOO. SOHAN:AND THE BAD ONE.
MOHAN:THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE THE OPENING BOWLER OF THE MATCH TOMORROW NIGHT.
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Sachin:Boost is the secret of my energy. Ganguly:If its secret then why r u revealing to me?
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What do you call a student who appears for the SSC exam agsin?
ans- MATRICS REALODED
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William - My name is William .S. Bernstein.
Frank - What does the 's' stand for?
William - Nothing.My father accidently dropped a noodle on my birth certificate.
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Shopkeeper-This computer will reduce your work load by 50%.
Customer-GREAT!Give me two !
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Teacher-Why does the moon shine?
Student-Because it is bald.
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A man bought a ticket at the ticket window,again after sometime ,he bought a ticket ,and again,and again.
the clerk asked him why he was doing so
he replied "whenever I try to go inside this man tears my ticket into half
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Minister: Hi son! How are your studies going?
Son: Fine dad, but I have a history paper tomorrow and I haven't studied a thing
Ministe: Okay, I shall have a bandh declared right away.
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ONCE TWO SIKHS WENT TO RUSSIA.IN ORDER TO TEST ONE SIKHS BRAIN , ONE RUSSIAN ASKED HIM HOW MANY SLICES OF BREAD HE COULD EAT IN AN EMPTY STOMACH .HE SAID"FIFTEEN".
THE RUSSIAN SAID THAT WITH THE FIRST PIECE OF BREAD THAT HE ATE HIS STOMACH WAS NO LONGER EMPTY.
THE SIKH APPRECIATED THE JOKE AND HE WENT BACK TO HIS FRIEND AND POSED THE SAME QUESTION TO HIM. HE REPLIED,"SIXTEEN" .
THE OTHER SIKH SAID"OH! IF YOU HAD SAID 'FIFTEEN ', I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU A GOOD JOKE.
HA ! HA!
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Chacha Chaudhary to a waiter:I don't know why people call you waiter?It's me who is waiting
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Once upon time there was a construction going on .Suddenly one labourer fell down and hurt very badly. The father of a nearby church came to the hospital and said that" God was with you ".
Just after that the labourer shouted .Father ran quickly to the labourer and asked him, "Why have you shouted? ,He said "Just now you said that God was with me ,I was also thinking that who pushed me. Now I know that God had pushed me ".
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A man gave an ad in a newspaper saying"Wife Wanted"
He got hundreds of letters the next day.They all said, "You can take mine"
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Husband to Wife:Bring me a cup of tea
Wife:With pleasure
Husband:No,with milk and sugar.
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These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me? What's excuse me?
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what did one eye say to the other eye ?
There is something between us that smells.
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Sherlock Holmes was sleeping in a tent in a forest alongwith his assistant Watson when he woke up and saw something right over his head. so,he shrugged Watson and asked him whether he noticed anything.
Watson : "I see a lot of stars up there and galaxies and ........blah blah!"
Holmes:"..and nothing else!"
Watson:"Naa!" Holmes:"You moron!our tent is missing"
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Saddam's son goes shopping but everything he bought was packed in boxes.
Saddam asked:"Why in boxes?"
His son replied: "There is no more Bag-dad"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once two sardars were playing chess. Two more of them came and asked the previous ones,"Could we play doubles,please."
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Hijacker-We have hijacked this plane now our destination is Paris.
Pilot-But this flight is not going to Paris.
Hijacker-Maybe we hijacked a wrong plane.
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After death,Laloo Yadav,L.K.Advani& Vajpeyi ji went to hell.After some years of hardwork at hell,they remembered their families.They requested Yamraj to let them make a call.
The nearest P.C.O. booth was 10 miles away,so after walking for 3 days,they reached it.
First Mr.Vajpeyi made a call for 2 minutes.Bill--Rs.1000.
Next Mr.Advani made a call for 10 minutes.Bill--Rs.5000.
Then Laloo ji went in and made a call to Bihar for 2 hours. Bill--Rs.20.
The other two went and reported this to Yamraj,to which he replied,"What can I do if there is a local connection between Hell & Bihar?!"
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once teacher asked her students that "one child is sitting on the table and two children are sitting under the table, so how many children are there"?
one child stood up and said "ma'am two children are there".
After hearing this answer second student stood and said "M'am,heis wrong ,the correct answer is 1/2".
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Mother:Faraz, What is the matter,son?Why do you cry?
Faraz:Mother.I got my foot hurt while playing football in the school.
Mother:But what makes you cry now?
Faraz:There was no time to cry in the school.
Soruce: http://www.indiavilas.com/kidscorner/defaultmain.asp?k=other
Father- Why are you asking?
Son- Today my teacher asked me to write down my father's occupation but i did'nt know the spelling of inspector.
Father- So what did you write?
Son- I wrote WASHERMAN instead.
Soruce: http://www.indiavilas.com/kidscorner/defaultmain.asp?k=other
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Wife-Our servant has stolen t he silver spoon.
Husband-which one?
Wife-the one which we stole frome a hotel at kashmir.
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Teacher: "Why is honesty the best policy?"
Student: "Because there is hardly any competition".
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Wife to husband: "Could you not have hired a better servant?"
Husband: "Why? what happened?"
Wife: "He stole the spoon you stole from the hotel."
Contributed by Sajal
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A man was struggling to get a table out of his house. His neighbour saw this and asked him, "Why are you taking that table out of your house."
The man replies "I have to take it to the shop to buy a tablecloth of its size"
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A tourist climbed out of his car in Connaught Place, New Delhi.
He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I visit this store?"
"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the Indian Parliament?"
"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway."
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A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."
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What kind of ant is good at adding up?
An accountant
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A man bought tickets from the ticket win down of a theatre. A few minutes later he returned and bought two more. When, after a short interval, he came back to buy two more tickets, the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up.
“Aren’t you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a little while ago?”
He asked, puzzled. “Yes”, replied the man plaintively, ‘But there’s some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!’
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Once,Saddam Hussain went to God & asked him "God , when will I see Iraq defeat USA?"
God said, "I am sorry my son but, U will never see it in your life time."
Then Musharraf went and asked God "Lord when will I see capture of Kashmir by Pakistan ?"
God replied ,"I am sorry my son but, U will never see that in your life time "
He too walks away sadly.
Then Laloo Prasad Yadav went to lord and asked God , "God , when will I see Bihar a rich , prosperous and developed state ?"
God heard this and started crying. Laloo seeing this was astounded and asked God "Why are U crying?"
God replied,"I am sorry my son but, I will never see that in my life time
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What did a telephone say to another telephone?
"Let's get engaged"
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Our brain has two parts: left and the right
The left one has nothing right in it and the right one has nothing left in it
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A government servant went to a doctor.
“Doctor, I am suffering from exhaustion. Please advise me," he said.
After a careful examination the doctor suggested, “You need complete rest. Return to your office as soon as possible”.
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An error in computer: Keyboard not attached;press F1 to continue.
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There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.
He smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.
With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet.
As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"
"Those are for the funeral."
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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
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Boss to his secretary: “I thought that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you had to see your dentist?”
Secretary: “That’s right, sir”
Boss: “So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a young man?”
Secretary: “That was my dentist”
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Sita: "How old is your sister?"
Geeta: "Twenty five"
Sita: "But she says that she is twenty"
Geeta: "She is right in her own way, you see she learnt counting only at the age of five".
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It's time to go to sweep.
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How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
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Hari: "Where do birds meet for coffee ?"
Pradeep: "In a nest-cafe!"
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Customer: “Waiter, I’d like to cancel my order for fresh fruit salad.”
Waiter: “I am sorry, sir, but the cook has already opened the tin.”
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An American who finds himself in Moscow wants to know the time. He sees a man approaching him carrying two heavy suitcases and asks the fellow if he knows the correct time.
"Certainly," says the Russian, setting down the two bags and looking at his wrist. "It is 11:43 and 17 seconds. The date is Feb. 13, the moon is nearing its full phase and the atmospheric pressure stands at 992 hectopascals and is rising."
The visitor is dumbfounded but manages to ask if the watch that provides all this information is Japanese. No, he is told, it is "our own, a product of Soviet Technology."
"Well, that is wonderful, you are to be congratulated."
"Yes," the Russian answers, straining to pick up the suitcases, "but these batteries are still a little heavy."
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The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church.
After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church. "Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Joanthan's hand.
As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. "What's this?" the preacher asked. "Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It's for you!" "I don't want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered. "I want you to have it," said Jonathan.
After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you."
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A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man,"Give me 100 baby chickens."
The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."
"Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!"
"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"
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There were two people were robbing an apartment.
The first one said, “I hear the owner coming! Quick, jump out the window!”
The second one said, “Are you crazy? We’re on the thirteenth floor!”
The first one said, “This is not the time to be superstitious!”
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Angry Judge in Court: Order, Order
Defendant: If you insist, I’ll have a chicken burger.
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MOHAN AND SOHAN WERE CRICKET FANS.THEY BOTH DECIDED THAT WHOEVER GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST,WILL TELL THE OTHER IF THERE WAS CRICKET IN HEAVEN TOO. ONE NIGHT MOHAN PASSED AWAY.THE NEXT NIGHT,SOHAN HEARD A VOICE-
SOHAN:IS THAT YOU MOHAN?
MOHAN(IN SPIRIT):YES IT'S ME.
SOHAN:SO TELL ME,IS THERE CRICKET IN HEAVEN TOO?
MOHAN:I HAVE A GOOD NEWS AND A BAD NEWS.
SOHAN:TELL ME THE GOOD NEWS FIRST.
MOHAN:THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT,
YES,THERE IS CRICKET IN HEAVEN TOO. SOHAN:AND THE BAD ONE.
MOHAN:THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE THE OPENING BOWLER OF THE MATCH TOMORROW NIGHT.
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Sachin:Boost is the secret of my energy. Ganguly:If its secret then why r u revealing to me?
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What do you call a student who appears for the SSC exam agsin?
ans- MATRICS REALODED
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William - My name is William .S. Bernstein.
Frank - What does the 's' stand for?
William - Nothing.My father accidently dropped a noodle on my birth certificate.
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Shopkeeper-This computer will reduce your work load by 50%.
Customer-GREAT!Give me two !
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Teacher-Why does the moon shine?
Student-Because it is bald.
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A man bought a ticket at the ticket window,again after sometime ,he bought a ticket ,and again,and again.
the clerk asked him why he was doing so
he replied "whenever I try to go inside this man tears my ticket into half
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Minister: Hi son! How are your studies going?
Son: Fine dad, but I have a history paper tomorrow and I haven't studied a thing
Ministe: Okay, I shall have a bandh declared right away.
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ONCE TWO SIKHS WENT TO RUSSIA.IN ORDER TO TEST ONE SIKHS BRAIN , ONE RUSSIAN ASKED HIM HOW MANY SLICES OF BREAD HE COULD EAT IN AN EMPTY STOMACH .HE SAID"FIFTEEN".
THE RUSSIAN SAID THAT WITH THE FIRST PIECE OF BREAD THAT HE ATE HIS STOMACH WAS NO LONGER EMPTY.
THE SIKH APPRECIATED THE JOKE AND HE WENT BACK TO HIS FRIEND AND POSED THE SAME QUESTION TO HIM. HE REPLIED,"SIXTEEN" .
THE OTHER SIKH SAID"OH! IF YOU HAD SAID 'FIFTEEN ', I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU A GOOD JOKE.
HA ! HA!
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Chacha Chaudhary to a waiter:I don't know why people call you waiter?It's me who is waiting
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Once upon time there was a construction going on .Suddenly one labourer fell down and hurt very badly. The father of a nearby church came to the hospital and said that" God was with you ".
Just after that the labourer shouted .Father ran quickly to the labourer and asked him, "Why have you shouted? ,He said "Just now you said that God was with me ,I was also thinking that who pushed me. Now I know that God had pushed me ".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man gave an ad in a newspaper saying"Wife Wanted"
He got hundreds of letters the next day.They all said, "You can take mine"
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Husband to Wife:Bring me a cup of tea
Wife:With pleasure
Husband:No,with milk and sugar.
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These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me? What's excuse me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
what did one eye say to the other eye ?
There is something between us that smells.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sherlock Holmes was sleeping in a tent in a forest alongwith his assistant Watson when he woke up and saw something right over his head. so,he shrugged Watson and asked him whether he noticed anything.
Watson : "I see a lot of stars up there and galaxies and ........blah blah!"
Holmes:"..and nothing else!"
Watson:"Naa!" Holmes:"You moron!our tent is missing"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saddam's son goes shopping but everything he bought was packed in boxes.
Saddam asked:"Why in boxes?"
His son replied: "There is no more Bag-dad"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once two sardars were playing chess. Two more of them came and asked the previous ones,"Could we play doubles,please."
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Hijacker-We have hijacked this plane now our destination is Paris.
Pilot-But this flight is not going to Paris.
Hijacker-Maybe we hijacked a wrong plane.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After death,Laloo Yadav,L.K.Advani& Vajpeyi ji went to hell.After some years of hardwork at hell,they remembered their families.They requested Yamraj to let them make a call.
The nearest P.C.O. booth was 10 miles away,so after walking for 3 days,they reached it.
First Mr.Vajpeyi made a call for 2 minutes.Bill--Rs.1000.
Next Mr.Advani made a call for 10 minutes.Bill--Rs.5000.
Then Laloo ji went in and made a call to Bihar for 2 hours. Bill--Rs.20.
The other two went and reported this to Yamraj,to which he replied,"What can I do if there is a local connection between Hell & Bihar?!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
once teacher asked her students that "one child is sitting on the table and two children are sitting under the table, so how many children are there"?
one child stood up and said "ma'am two children are there".
After hearing this answer second student stood and said "M'am,heis wrong ,the correct answer is 1/2".
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Mother:Faraz, What is the matter,son?Why do you cry?
Faraz:Mother.I got my foot hurt while playing football in the school.
Mother:But what makes you cry now?
Faraz:There was no time to cry in the school.
Soruce: http://www.indiavilas.com/kidscorner/defaultmain.asp?k=other
Student and Teacher Jokes
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
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Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
Student:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
Student:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
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Teacher:Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O.
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Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
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Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
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Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off.
Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
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Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?”
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.”
Pupil: “Exactly!” A student to his
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Teacher: “ I haven’t got no pencil.” Teacher, correcting him: “ You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?” Teacher to
Girl: “Why are you late? ”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early? ”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early” Teacher to the Student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
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Student:To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
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Student: See, how effective it is!!!
Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert:That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it.
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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned, Ms. Smith."
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Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't.
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
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Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out. "What's wrong?"
asked their mother.
First sister started wailing,"The kids at school make fun of my big feet." "There, there," soothed the mother. "Your feet aren't that big." She turned to the second sister. Now why are you crying?"
"Because I've been invited to a ski party & I can't find my skis." "That's okay," said her mother, "you can borrow your sister's shoes."
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Teacher: How do you spell “CAT”
Sameer: K.A.T
Teacher: But dictionary spells it CAT
Sameer: You asked me how I spell it?
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Teacher: A TEACHER ASKS A STUDENT" NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS?
Student:HE SAID"BUTTER , CHEESE , GHEE & 2 COWS.
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Teacher: Teacher(asks student)-wats ur father names ?
student(replys teacher) -his name is BUTTER RED
Teacher: teacher(with a surprised face)-wat ?
student(replys) -yes maam his name is MAKHAN LAL !!!!!
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Teacher:Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy ?
Student:They all four were great friends
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
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Teacher:how were the exams?
Student:the questions were easy but the answeres were hard.
Teacher:RAGHU,HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND.
RAGHU:I NEVER SAID IT IS ROUND.
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Teacher:Ritu spell "Blind Bird"
RITU:B,l,n,d B,r,d
Teacher:Where are the two i's??
RITU:Teacher a blind bird doesn't have eyes!
Teacher:?????????
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Once a techer said to the children:When I will ask you a question give the answer very fast.
Teacher:What is the capital of India?
Child:Very fast
Teacher: WHAT HAPPEN TO GOLD IF EXPOSED IN AIR?
RAMESH: IT IS STOLEN,SIR
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Rahul:Madam my paper is the neatest.
Teacher:You haven't written anything.
Rahul:That's why it is the neatest.
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Teacher:Rita,please stand up and answer this question.Why did the calf cross the road?
Rita:I don't know ma'm.But I know someone who can answer this question.
Teacher:(astonished)Who?
Rita:Very simple the calf
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Teacher:What is the capital of china
Student:You Know
Teacher:Yes
Student:Then why are you asking
Teacher"Who has read the 25th chapter?" (almost all the students raise their hands)
Teacher"There is no 25th chapter in the book".
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Teacher:STUDENTS DRAW A PICTURE OF BACTERIA.
Student:HERE IT IS MAM.
Teacher:WHERE?IT IS BLANK.
Student:YOU TOLD THAT BACTERIA CANNOT BE SEEN WITH NAKED EYE !
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Teacher:ONCE TEACHER ASKED A CHILD 'WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAS " STUDENT SAID"I DONT KNOW."
Student:THEN TEACHER ORDERED HIM TO STAND ON THE CHAIR" THEN STUDENT TOLD THE TEACHER INNOCENTLY "I STILL CAN'T SEE IT."
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Student: Can you tell me mam, why would a room go to a doctor?
Teacher: You stupid! Anyway, what is the answer?
Student: Very simple! Because it has always got window-pane!
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
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Sir:How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight?
Raj:Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles
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Teacher: Now , Sam , Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Student: No sir , I don't have to my mom is a good cook
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Teacher:What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher:What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
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Teacher:Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa:Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear:Ramya,what about you?
Ramya:Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.
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Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
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A teacher to a Parent:
Teacher:Ma'm your son has cheated in his examinations.
Parent:You can prove that I am sure
Teacher:Well put it this way the first answer of your child's partner was yes.
Parent:So that proves nothing .
Teacher:But for the second question your son's partner wrote "i dont know" and your son wrote "neither do I"
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Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey with a stick and I stop him , what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
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Once a teacher with her students went to visit a zoo.
When the teacher saw the lion she told her students that the lion belonged to the cat family.
A watchman heard her and told her that the lion belonged to the zoo not the cat family.
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Teacher:anu,can you name five things made up of milk?
anu:butter,cheese,cream------
Teacher:yes,yes go on.
anu:and two cows
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Teacher:Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
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Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan
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Teacher:Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher:Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:How can you prove it that birds have a sharp eyesight?
Student:Teacher,because I have never seen a bird wearing spectacles
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Teacher:RAJU HOW WILL YOU DISTRIBUTE FIVE ORANGES EQUALLY TO EIGHT PEOPLE?
RAJU:SIMPLE I WILL FIRST TAKE OUT THE JUICE POUR IT IN EIGHT GLASSES AND GIVE THEM
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Teacher(taking an oral test):OK James,tell me how many mangoes will it make if I had 5 mangoes and you give me 2 more?
James:7, mam.
Teacher:good, now tell me if I have 4 apples and I give you.....
James: Sorry mam but I was absent when you taught the class word problems of apples and I forgot to copy it down from my friend.
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teacher-:what happened in 1889.
student-:gandhi ji was born.
Teacher:-what happened in 1892
Student:-ganghi ji was three year old.
Soruce: http://www.indiavilas.com/kidscorner/defaultmain.asp?k=st
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.
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Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
Student:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
Student:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher:Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off.
Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?”
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.”
Pupil: “Exactly!” A student to his
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Teacher: “ I haven’t got no pencil.” Teacher, correcting him: “ You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?” Teacher to
Girl: “Why are you late? ”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early? ”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early” Teacher to the Student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Student:To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.
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Student: See, how effective it is!!!
Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert:That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it.
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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned, Ms. Smith."
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Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't.
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.
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Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out. "What's wrong?"
asked their mother.
First sister started wailing,"The kids at school make fun of my big feet." "There, there," soothed the mother. "Your feet aren't that big." She turned to the second sister. Now why are you crying?"
"Because I've been invited to a ski party & I can't find my skis." "That's okay," said her mother, "you can borrow your sister's shoes."
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Teacher: How do you spell “CAT”
Sameer: K.A.T
Teacher: But dictionary spells it CAT
Sameer: You asked me how I spell it?
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Teacher: A TEACHER ASKS A STUDENT" NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS?
Student:HE SAID"BUTTER , CHEESE , GHEE & 2 COWS.
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Teacher: Teacher(asks student)-wats ur father names ?
student(replys teacher) -his name is BUTTER RED
Teacher: teacher(with a surprised face)-wat ?
student(replys) -yes maam his name is MAKHAN LAL !!!!!
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Teacher:Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy ?
Student:They all four were great friends
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
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Teacher:how were the exams?
Student:the questions were easy but the answeres were hard.
Teacher:RAGHU,HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND.
RAGHU:I NEVER SAID IT IS ROUND.
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Teacher:Ritu spell "Blind Bird"
RITU:B,l,n,d B,r,d
Teacher:Where are the two i's??
RITU:Teacher a blind bird doesn't have eyes!
Teacher:?????????
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Once a techer said to the children:When I will ask you a question give the answer very fast.
Teacher:What is the capital of India?
Child:Very fast
Teacher: WHAT HAPPEN TO GOLD IF EXPOSED IN AIR?
RAMESH: IT IS STOLEN,SIR
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Rahul:Madam my paper is the neatest.
Teacher:You haven't written anything.
Rahul:That's why it is the neatest.
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Teacher:Rita,please stand up and answer this question.Why did the calf cross the road?
Rita:I don't know ma'm.But I know someone who can answer this question.
Teacher:(astonished)Who?
Rita:Very simple the calf
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Teacher:What is the capital of china
Student:You Know
Teacher:Yes
Student:Then why are you asking
Teacher"Who has read the 25th chapter?" (almost all the students raise their hands)
Teacher"There is no 25th chapter in the book".
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Teacher:STUDENTS DRAW A PICTURE OF BACTERIA.
Student:HERE IT IS MAM.
Teacher:WHERE?IT IS BLANK.
Student:YOU TOLD THAT BACTERIA CANNOT BE SEEN WITH NAKED EYE !
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Teacher:ONCE TEACHER ASKED A CHILD 'WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAS " STUDENT SAID"I DONT KNOW."
Student:THEN TEACHER ORDERED HIM TO STAND ON THE CHAIR" THEN STUDENT TOLD THE TEACHER INNOCENTLY "I STILL CAN'T SEE IT."
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Student: Can you tell me mam, why would a room go to a doctor?
Teacher: You stupid! Anyway, what is the answer?
Student: Very simple! Because it has always got window-pane!
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students
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Sir:How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight?
Raj:Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles
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Teacher: Now , Sam , Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Student: No sir , I don't have to my mom is a good cook
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Teacher:What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher:What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
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Teacher:Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa:Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear:Ramya,what about you?
Ramya:Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.
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Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
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A teacher to a Parent:
Teacher:Ma'm your son has cheated in his examinations.
Parent:You can prove that I am sure
Teacher:Well put it this way the first answer of your child's partner was yes.
Parent:So that proves nothing .
Teacher:But for the second question your son's partner wrote "i dont know" and your son wrote "neither do I"
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Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey with a stick and I stop him , what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
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Once a teacher with her students went to visit a zoo.
When the teacher saw the lion she told her students that the lion belonged to the cat family.
A watchman heard her and told her that the lion belonged to the zoo not the cat family.
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Teacher:anu,can you name five things made up of milk?
anu:butter,cheese,cream------
Teacher:yes,yes go on.
anu:and two cows
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Teacher:Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday
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Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan
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Teacher:Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher:Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
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Teacher:How can you prove it that birds have a sharp eyesight?
Student:Teacher,because I have never seen a bird wearing spectacles
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Teacher:RAJU HOW WILL YOU DISTRIBUTE FIVE ORANGES EQUALLY TO EIGHT PEOPLE?
RAJU:SIMPLE I WILL FIRST TAKE OUT THE JUICE POUR IT IN EIGHT GLASSES AND GIVE THEM
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Teacher(taking an oral test):OK James,tell me how many mangoes will it make if I had 5 mangoes and you give me 2 more?
James:7, mam.
Teacher:good, now tell me if I have 4 apples and I give you.....
James: Sorry mam but I was absent when you taught the class word problems of apples and I forgot to copy it down from my friend.
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teacher-:what happened in 1889.
student-:gandhi ji was born.
Teacher:-what happened in 1892
Student:-ganghi ji was three year old.
Soruce: http://www.indiavilas.com/kidscorner/defaultmain.asp?k=st
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