Student and Teacher Jokes

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.


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Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
Student:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
Student:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

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Teacher:Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O.
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Student:(to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.

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Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'

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Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off.
Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."

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Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?”
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.”
Pupil: “Exactly!” A student to his

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Teacher: “ I haven’t got no pencil.” Teacher, correcting him: “ You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?” Teacher to
Girl: “Why are you late? ”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early? ”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early” Teacher to the Student: Why are you tearing up your homework copy?

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Student:To keep the elephants away.
Teacher: But there are no elephants here.

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Student: See, how effective it is!!!
Teacher: You weren't at school last Friday, Robert. I heard you were at the movie theatre.
Robert:That's not true, sir. And I've got the tickets from the football game to prove it.

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned, Ms. Smith."

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Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless, but he wasn't.
Teacher: Did he hurt you?
Nigel: No, but he screamed when I bit his finger.

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Two sisters came home from school crying their hearts out. "What's wrong?"
asked their mother.
First sister started wailing,"The kids at school make fun of my big feet." "There, there," soothed the mother. "Your feet aren't that big." She turned to the second sister. Now why are you crying?"
"Because I've been invited to a ski party & I can't find my skis." "That's okay," said her mother, "you can borrow your sister's shoes."

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Teacher: How do you spell “CAT”
Sameer: K.A.T
Teacher: But dictionary spells it CAT
Sameer: You asked me how I spell it?

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Teacher: A TEACHER ASKS A STUDENT" NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS?
Student:HE SAID"BUTTER , CHEESE , GHEE & 2 COWS.
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Teacher: Teacher(asks student)-wats ur father names ?
student(replys teacher) -his name is BUTTER RED
Teacher: teacher(with a surprised face)-wat ?
student(replys) -yes maam his name is MAKHAN LAL !!!!!

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Teacher:Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy ?
Student:They all four were great friends
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."

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Teacher:how were the exams?
Student:the questions were easy but the answeres were hard.
Teacher:RAGHU,HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THE EARTH IS ROUND.
RAGHU:I NEVER SAID IT IS ROUND.

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Teacher:Ritu spell "Blind Bird"
RITU:B,l,n,d B,r,d
Teacher:Where are the two i's??
RITU:Teacher a blind bird doesn't have eyes!
Teacher:?????????

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Once a techer said to the children:When I will ask you a question give the answer very fast.
Teacher:What is the capital of India?
Child:Very fast
Teacher: WHAT HAPPEN TO GOLD IF EXPOSED IN AIR?
RAMESH: IT IS STOLEN,SIR

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Rahul:Madam my paper is the neatest.
Teacher:You haven't written anything.
Rahul:That's why it is the neatest.

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Teacher:Rita,please stand up and answer this question.Why did the calf cross the road?
Rita:I don't know ma'm.But I know someone who can answer this question.
Teacher:(astonished)Who?
Rita:Very simple the calf

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Teacher:What is the capital of china
Student:You Know
Teacher:Yes
Student:Then why are you asking
Teacher"Who has read the 25th chapter?" (almost all the students raise their hands)
Teacher"There is no 25th chapter in the book".

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Teacher:STUDENTS DRAW A PICTURE OF BACTERIA.
Student:HERE IT IS MAM.
Teacher:WHERE?IT IS BLANK.
Student:YOU TOLD THAT BACTERIA CANNOT BE SEEN WITH NAKED EYE !

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Teacher:ONCE TEACHER ASKED A CHILD 'WHERE IS THE HIMALAYAS " STUDENT SAID"I DONT KNOW."
Student:THEN TEACHER ORDERED HIM TO STAND ON THE CHAIR" THEN STUDENT TOLD THE TEACHER INNOCENTLY "I STILL CAN'T SEE IT."

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Student: Can you tell me mam, why would a room go to a doctor?
Teacher: You stupid! Anyway, what is the answer?
Student: Very simple! Because it has always got window-pane!
Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

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Sir:How can you tell a hawk has good eye sight?
Raj:Because I have never seen a hawk wearing spectacles

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Teacher: Now , Sam , Tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
Student: No sir , I don't have to my mom is a good cook

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Teacher:What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher:What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

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Teacher:Ramya and Shilpa!,why are you late for school,today?
Shilpa:Madam,I lost a one rupee coin and was searching for it.
Teachear:Ramya,what about you?
Ramya:Madam,,I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.

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Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

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A teacher to a Parent:
Teacher:Ma'm your son has cheated in his examinations.
Parent:You can prove that I am sure
Teacher:Well put it this way the first answer of your child's partner was yes.
Parent:So that proves nothing .
Teacher:But for the second question your son's partner wrote "i dont know" and your son wrote "neither do I"

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Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey with a stick and I stop him , what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.

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Once a teacher with her students went to visit a zoo.
When the teacher saw the lion she told her students that the lion belonged to the cat family.
A watchman heard her and told her that the lion belonged to the zoo not the cat family.

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Teacher:anu,can you name five things made up of milk?
anu:butter,cheese,cream------
Teacher:yes,yes go on.
anu:and two cows

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Teacher:Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday

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Which is the pan in which we cannot fry something?......
japan

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Teacher:Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher:Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

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Teacher:How can you prove it that birds have a sharp eyesight?
Student:Teacher,because I have never seen a bird wearing spectacles

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Teacher:RAJU HOW WILL YOU DISTRIBUTE FIVE ORANGES EQUALLY TO EIGHT PEOPLE?
RAJU:SIMPLE I WILL FIRST TAKE OUT THE JUICE POUR IT IN EIGHT GLASSES AND GIVE THEM

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Teacher(taking an oral test):OK James,tell me how many mangoes will it make if I had 5 mangoes and you give me 2 more?
James:7, mam.
Teacher:good, now tell me if I have 4 apples and I give you.....
James: Sorry mam but I was absent when you taught the class word problems of apples and I forgot to copy it down from my friend.

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teacher-:what happened in 1889.
student-:gandhi ji was born.
Teacher:-what happened in 1892
Student:-ganghi ji was three year old.

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